Matthew Lewis: move in the direction of love

Matthew identifies as queer, a term he embraces as expansive. 

To him, queerness is about more than sexuality, it is an entire way of being that allows his Blackness, spirituality, art, and politics to inform and nourish one another.

“Queerness, for me, is about existing beyond the limits that were placed on me. It’s about choosing a life that is not dictated by what society tells me I should be."

"It is freedom, and it makes space for all the different parts of me to thrive.”

A journey with intention

Matthew’s coming out was a deeply intentional process. He did not feel pressured to define himself before he was ready, choosing instead to share his truth when it felt right.

“I didn’t want to ‘come out’ as anything until I felt like I knew what I was saying.”

He had heart-to-heart conversations with his parents and checked in with them over the years, rather than delivering a single defining moment. In school, he was deliberate about who he shared his identity with, prioritizing spaces where he felt safe.

“I kept what was mine for me unless I felt like my friends could hold it. And I only moved when my heart felt in alignment with the choice.”

This approach allowed him to stand firmly in his truth without allowing others to shame him.

“I don’t owe anyone anything about me, but when I chose to bloom, I could be ready to stand in it and not let it become something that people felt they could make me feel ashamed about.”

Softness and survival

A moment during Matthew’s junior year of college profoundly shaped his relationship with Black masculinity, safety, and self-expression.

One night, after leaving a club, he stopped at a Greek restaurant with friends. He was wearing a pair of chocolate brown Emu boots (his favorite Ugg alternatives), skinny jeans, and a flannel—his own version of “White Girl Chic.”

While waiting for his order, a man kept calling for his attention. When Matthew finally responded, the man questioned him:

“Why are you dressed like that?”

The man pointed to his boots and jeans, implying that Matthew was “putting on a bad show for Black men.” 

The exchange escalated into a public confrontation, unfolding in a white-owned space where Matthew found himself being policed for not conforming to traditional expectations of Black masculinity.

“I wasn’t mad about the comments themselves, I was used to people gawking at me. I was mad that he needed so badly to pull me into his own hatred that it escalated to violence.”

That moment left a lasting impact, altering the way Matthew thought about softness and vulnerability.

“It kind of ruined a certain softness for me. Like, I can’t afford to be soft to people, even people who look like me, because they might hurt me.”

But instead of letting that experience harden him, he has made Black softness the foundation of his work.

“Softness is an active choice. I have to think about it now, and that makes me sad sometimes. But Black softness is now what informs my work. I want to help build a world where that situation doesn’t happen.”

Navigating Black and queer spaces

Existing at the intersection of Blackness and queerness comes with challenges. In heteronormative Black spaces, queerness can feel like an unspoken reality, forcing him into the role of an educator or advocate. In queer spaces, anti-Blackness persists, manifesting in the hyper-sexualization and erasure of Black queer people.

“It’s constant shapeshifting. It can be exhausting.”

Despite these challenges, Matthew has found power in self-possession.